Are Boyfriends Allowed in Islam? By: Umm Abd Al-Rahman

Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakathuhu

In the media, in the world, boyfriends are the natural sequence that will eventually lead you to your lifetime partner, your husband. “Boyfriends” are one of Satan’s famous marketing schemes to corrupt, demoralize, weaken and destroy the individual, marriage, the family and the society at large.

When I first opened “The Message of the Qur’an” translated by Muhammad Asad, an Austrian Jew who came to Islam, I was shocked at the second page which read, “For People who Think”. This statement startled me. I was being addressed as an intelligent, thinking human being and was inspired by this to read on with an open, thinking mind. Allah Most High has innately blessed us with the capabilities to think, to reason, to contemplate and discern instinctively what is good/beneficial or bad/harmful for us.

When we use our intelligence to think about what a boyfriend is it becomes very interesting. The difference between a friend who is a boy, and a boyfriend, is that a boyfriend is allowed to touch and use a woman’s body for his pleasure.

What happens when a man and a woman gaze in each others eyes and shake hands? It can be like a fireworks show. All sorts of physiological, psychological, emotional, and spiritual reactions can take place by a simple look and a simple handshake. I know because I have experienced this, as innocent as my intentions were.

After I became a Muslim, I understood the wisdom of what Allah Most High told us in Surat An-Nur, 24:30-31 :

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is acquainted with what they do.”

“Tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their private parts and not expose their adornments (both natural beauty such as hair or body shape and that with which a woman beautifies herself of clothing, jewelry, etc.) except that which appears thereof and to wrap their head covers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their women, that which their right hands possess or those male attendants having no physical desire or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women.

And let them not stomp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you may succeed.”

And the Prophet, may the prayers and peace of Allah be upon him said, “It is better for you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle than to touch the hand of a woman who is permissible to you.” (At-Tabarani)

I wished that I would have had these instructions when I was younger which would have prevented me from much mental anguish, depression and wasting the precious time of my youth chasing after guys and playing ego games with them to pump up my self-esteem and be “cool”. I was a slave to the world and Satan’s suggestions that he swears are true, like:

“Everyone has a boyfriend, you see how natural it is in all the films and T.V. programs.” “You have to try it, it is so fun and exciting and the physical affection will make you feel loved and important, valued and cool.” “If it feels good, it must be O.K. to do.” “You have to get experience before you get married!” “Put some fun in your boring lives!” “Times have changed. Take off your chains and be free and modernize yourself!” “Go for it!!!!” “Be cool!” “Be popular!” “Try it, you’ll like it!”

One thing may lead to another, and the woman may find herself enslaved in a relationship she cannot get out of because of threats from her ‘boyfriend’ that he will expose her picture or their forbidden relationship to her parents. Allah Most High said,

“O you who have believed: do not follow the footsteps of Satan. And whoever follows

the footsteps of Satan, indeed, he enjoins immorality (sexual misconduct) and wrongdoing.”

(Surah An-Nur 24:21)

These days Satan’s voice is getting louder, and louder, and louder, through the obscene music videos in live color, the popular music and obscene lyrics, the popular T.V. shows and films and commercials that are all telling you, urging you, pleading with you to get a boyfriend, NOW! Don’t delay!!!! It’s fun! It’s exciting! Follow your desires and be cool!

There is a saying: “When you play with matches, you get burned” – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually – when playing around with guys. A woman is raped every 45 seconds in America. (Dirty Lies by Michael Parenti) Boyfriends can easily rape their girlfriend. Ask yourself: will he marry you, if you get pregnant? If you get HIV? If you get a STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease)? Who will support the illegitimate child? What sin did that innocent child commit that s/he does not have a secure, loving family home with a father and a mother present? What about the mental anguish and depression and possible suicide attempt by the woman? She just wanted to be “cool” and “fit in” and “follow her friends who also had boyfriends”. What about her future, which now has a big stain on it?

This is a very serious offense that will affect you the rest of your life that occurs in a few minutes of hot passion. This is “For People Who Think! Would you settle for a boyfriend or a husband?

Did Allah Most High create us and leave us? With all praise and gratefulness for the specific and complete guidance we have to lead happy, productive and satisfying lives from the instructions in the Qur’an and Sunnah. May Allah Most High guide us on His straight path and strengthen our faith and give us eyes that see and ears that hear and a mind that thinks and reasons with wisdom and intelligence. Ameen.

Now, what do you choose, dear thinking, intelligent person?????? ?????